Tough Nuts

So what is Phil getting out of this deal?!

2008-03-01T22:47:00.004-06:00

"I want to take the calculated risk; to dream and to build, to fail and to succeed." -- Dean Alfange

You may have started to wonder (or not) why I'm posting this stuff every day, what my objective is in doing so. Well, it's for both you and me.

I'm 48 years old; I grew up introverted and afraid, so I wasn't prepared for adult life, and consequently had a lot of rough years. And in the process of climbing up out of that deep, dark hole I was in for so long I learned an awful lot, about myself and life, by myself and with the help of others. Some of that stuff I had to learn the hard way, and some of it I wouldn't have had to if I had had more help.

That is why I'm doing this. I know there are a lot of people out there who are in the same situation I was. And the only other help some of them have is from people who either want something from them (money, sex, whatever) or who want to sculpt those poor people into copies of themselves, with their beliefs and ways of thinking. Well fuck that! If they were truly helpful, they'd help you to become your own person, the "you" that you have the potential and right to choose to be.

If you're continuing to read this because you need it, then know this: I sincerely hope that that is what you get from my ramblings. I expect you to eventually become your true self (fulfill your destiny, if you believe you have one), to the point of telling me I'm full of shit and what I can do with it, if that's how you feel. Nothing would please me more than for you to stand up and disagree with me and argue your point effectively -- that sort of is the point.

So what do I get from this? I don't care about notoriety as such. I just want to be helpful, and the best way I know to do that is to share, as honestly and forthrightly as I can, where I've come from, and what I've experienced and learned, and to point out the traps and the bullshit as I'm able. I get to feel good about trying to do the right thing, period. I think my experiences place me in a unique position to be helpful in this way.

The other thing I get out of this exercise is that it finally forces me to "claim" my beliefs, by putting them out there for the world to see, and comment on. And it's cathartic to some degree; I've already gone throuhg most of my truama and drama, but it was private: this puts it "outside" of myself.

And I don't believe in sugar coating things. I speak rather roughly, I'm sometimes a horrible smartass, and I like to prod and challenge people, verbally slapping them to make them wake up and pay attention. To me, it's not meanness -- it's tough love.

So there you are: I don't pretend to know everything. But I have spent many, many years living the "examined life", and as hard as it can be sometimes, I wholeheartedly recommend it. Insist on it, even.

Walk slowly and deliberately, pilgrim!
Phil

Another PROBLEM?!

2008-02-29T23:17:00.002-06:00

We have enough youth; how about a "fountain of smart"?

For the second in my installment of PROBLEMs (Phil's Review Of Books, Life, Entertainment & Movies) I'm going to recommend the movie The Matrix.

What can I say? I love "nature of reality" stories, and this one comes with lots of kick-ass action and fine chicks in body suits for the guys, evil human-like machines and mind control shit for SciFi nerds, and, my personal favorite, some form of MOST of the important philosophical questions from classical philosophy! Ha-ha, they snuck that past you, didn't they?! Who thought philosophy could be so hip and badass and entertaining.

I'm not going to drag on about all the fine points and implications and pro/con arguments about their treatment, yadda yadda yawn...the movie speaks for itself, in spades, baby! And there's been books written about the Philosophy of the Matrix (look it up, beeyotch!)

Besides: it's been a long week, and I'm tired. Seriously, though: If you haven't seen this movie yet, crawl out from under your rock, turn on a light and WATCH IT! More than once if possible (mmmmm...meaty!). If you haven't seen it in awhile, I suggest rewatching it with an eye to all the questions it brings up, and what it's trying to say between all the mind-bending crap.

And remember....there is no spoon.

Phil

What's wrong with being motivated?

2008-02-28T18:55:00.003-06:00

Ten foot tall and bulletproof. You got a problem wi' dat?!

There isn't anything at all wrong with ordinary motivation. It's what gets us up in the morning, makes us go to work to earn money to buy food, and gets us to wash our stinky ass so we can get laid. All good.

What is problematic is artificial motivation. You know, the kind where you spend all day listening to Professional Motivational Speakers in a stadium full of other Homers, and at the end of your caffeine-jangled, glassy-eyed day you think you're ready to kick ass and eat steel. Then by the following week you're right back to being fully focused on the Simpson account, hoping it'll earn you that meager raise, and maybe a shot at that hot chick in Mergers and Acquisitions. This week you want to save the world single-handedly; next week you just want to recarpet your bedroom.

Well, what did you expect?! This story gets replayed over and over again hundreds of thousands of times every year, by tens of thousands of needy dupes. And some of them are the same dupes, year after year. They go to seminars; they read motivational books. They score their "fix" any way they can get it, because they can't live without it, and they haven't learned any other way to get it.

So what is the "other way"? It's from within yourself. True "motivation" is just an eagerness and a belief that you can make your life better, which naturally follows with the willingness to do so (or at least try). It is hope, if you want to think of it that way.

But it will never lead to actions that will do you any good unless there is belief to back it up. I'm talking about that basic self-esteem that not only tells you that you can do things, but also that you are worthwhile, that you deserve to do as well as you are able to.

Without that, your efforts (if any) will be half-hearted, half-baked and ultimately fruitless. So before you spend your money and your time going to get all "fired up", make sure first that it's worth the effort. Because otherwise, motivation is just like crack cocaine: you get really, really high, then crash to below where you started.

And the valley is much wider than the mountaintop.

Phil

Is life really like a shit sandwich?

2008-02-27T18:16:00.003-06:00

"Life is like a shit sandwich: The more bread you have, the less shit you have to eat." -- Anon

The preceding maxim is at best only half true.

1. The more bread you have, the bigger your sandwich -- but the same amount of shit.

2. Therefore, the more bread you have, the smaller the percentage of shit you have to eat -- not a smaller quantity, though.

3. Why can't you just scrape off the shit, and eat as much clean bread as possible?

Maybe you've already had your epiphany, and see where I'm going with this. The trick is not necesarily to have more bread. The "trick" is to be in a position to make your own damned sandwich, so you don't have to keep choosing between eating these shit sandwiches someone else is giving you or fasting!

Doesn't that seem a bit obvious once someone points it out to you? Well, Sparky...that's an example of the power of asking the right questions!

Now go brush your teeth!

Phil

Why doesn't "self help" work?

2008-02-26T18:22:00.003-06:00

"What...you thought you'd read something profound here?!" -- Phil Schwa

Since the 70s, "self help" has become a friggin' industry! And just like the "diet industry", it works well for just enough people so they can get their before-and-after shots to sell us more snake oil bullshit. So why do people keep buying it if it doesn't work? And why doesn't it work?

First, let's make an important distinction. Books like "Why Some Men Are Weinies, and Why Their Women Coddle Them" are self-help books, as are gems like "Women Are From Venus, Men Are From Mars, and Your Mother-in-law Is From Uranus." However, books like "Think and Grow Rich!" and "The Power of Possibility Thinking" are motivational books, even though they sometimes get lumped together at the bookstore.

The only reason I'm making this distinction is this: while both kinds of books tend to not ultimately give us what we want, they fail to do so for somewhat different reasons.

The primary reasons self-help doesn't work are:

1. People don't give it enough time. No matter how motivated you are, and how well you understand the material presented, it takes real time and effort to incorporate those changes into your life. Face it: if you were a natural at doing all those things, then you'd be doing them already, Junior!

2. The program assumes certain prerequisite conditions. This is probably the biggest reason self-help doesn't help. Some people cannot benefit from self-help instruction because they are simply not ready. And the usual way they are not ready is that they lack a sufficient level of self-esteem to enable them to make use of the program. Without this, they don't have the skills and stamina to apply and utilize the suggestions. (More on this later).

3. Many of these books are written more to be saleable than to be helpful. The authors have to distinguish themselves and this work, so they write something a little more sensational, then spend a lot of their promotion time (and book chapters) convincing people that this particular twist applies to them. Seriously: how many guys do you think really suffered from that "Peter Pan/Wendy" crap from a couple of decades ago? If it was "real", don't you think that stinker would still be selling gangbusters?! This is also why you see many fewer books about healing esteem problems than there should be -- because it's too "ordinary", and certainly not "popular" or terribly newsworthy.

And that's the great thing about being a Question Guy: sometimes the "answer" to a good question is discovering that you need to keep asking questions, to keep going "back" to get at the root of the issues.

Try to get some sleep!

Phil

Are you a survivor?

2008-02-25T18:29:00.004-06:00

"The unexamined life is not worth living." -- Socrates

Everyone has had something traumatic happen to them. Everyone. There are the obvious things: surviving a murder attempt, rape, torture. But what is important is not what happened to you, but rather how it affected you, and how you have responded to it.

Their are many people who have suffered what most would consider terrible tragedies, but who put the negative behind them and get on with their lives, living happily and fully despite the event. We know those, too, who seemingly become crushed and immobilized by things we consider inoccuous, like their goldfish dying, or getting a "C" in a class they worked really hard at.

I have known quite a few people in my life who have recovered from alcohol and drug addictions...and some who haven't. A few of these people were so hopelessly gone that they were at one point pronounced dead. Serious shit. Deadly serious. And what may sound very odd to some of you is that many of these people are now grateful for those experiences, because those were their "wake up calls" that enabled them to start the road to recovery.

So what's my point? There are several, actually.

1. Don't give up hope. There is plenty of hope to go around; it's just a real cocksucker to find sometimes.
2. Your perception of your trauma or problem has more to do with whether it will ultimately be a roadblock or an asset to you than the facts of the problem or trauma itself.
3. Nearly any past trauma can be "overcome", and often turned to advantage...if you know how.
4. You're not alone: this is a part of the Universal Human Condition.

This also has something to do with why "self help" programs often fail to improve people's lives. But more on that later.

Phil

Are you your own person? Well, are ya', punk?!

2008-02-23T11:51:00.005-06:00

"Free your motherfuckin' mind on this motherfuckin' plane, Neo." -- some black guy in some movie I saw.

Okay, kids...you've had a few days to think about the implications of your thoughts and beliefs not being entirely your own. If you did really think about this, did it scare the shit out of you? It should. It should send shivers down your spine and maybe even make you question your humanity, or what it even means to be human, or possibly bring up that Big Kahuna question: If we are just going through the motions, following a program, then why are we here?

This is all good, baby.

It's good because the world isn't black-and-white; it isn't even grayscale. It's full-blown technicolor and messy and hurtling through space at thousands of miles per hour -- and most of us assume incorrectly that someone else is in charge of things. (Calm down! I'm not denying the existence of a Higher Power! We'll get to that later!). If you're going to thrive -- hell, survive -- you need some skills and some tools. But first, you need to want to.

As for me, I believe that the world can be a better place for all of us. Period. But it won't happen unless a quorum of us are actively trying to make that happen. And I believe that will only be motivated by everyone wanting to help themselves first; the truly altruistic among us are few and far between. Most folks stay tuned into station WII-FM: What's In It For Me? And that's OK as a starting point, because "the world" changing for the better only has meaning for people if it is changing for the better for people.

And that will only happen when individual people decide they want to change for the better, and then learn how. Until that happens, things won't change for the better for anybody.

And in keeping with that, let me give you this to meditate upon:

All human achievement begins in the mind.

Ready to start being a shepherd instead of a sheep? A producer instead of just a consumer? Or even just your own person making his own choices in life for a change? Then roll the dice and pass "Go":

http://www.helium.com/tm/345283/simply-critical-thinking-skills
http://www.helium.com/tm/351038/develop-critical-thinking-through

Phil

So what's the PROBLEM?

2008-02-22T17:09:00.005-06:00

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too hard to read." -- Groucho Marx.

PROBLEM is an acronym for Phil's Review Of Books, Life, Entertainment & Movies. I plan to make this a regular feature every Friday, then add what's been reviewed to the list to the right (--->).

This week: In the Beginning Was...the Command Line, by Neal Stephenson. This is a powerful yet slender volume all about the history of your other Significant Other, the personal computer, and how it, and your relationship with it, got to be the way that it is.

It is very well written -- in English, mind you, not in Geekese. Neal has been called "the Hacker's Hemmingway" (that's "hacker" as in "tuned-in-tech-wunderkind", not as in "cyber terrorist"). If you didn't grow up through, and experience, the transitions from the days of suction-cup-cradle modems and TTY machines to now, you need to read this book. If you did live through all of that, then you need to read this book.

Mr. Stephenson makes intriguing and delightful what your CS professor makes dull and, well, C.S. Neal is the lucid eye in the monstrous shitstorm of technical information. This book has been out for a while, so cheap secondhand copies are readily available online or in your favorite book reseller.

If you have ever asked why computers and systems are the way they are, or why we do things with computers the way we do, or why there are hot-key combinations that seem to be "universal", then quit wasting your time and mental health taking classes and get this book!

And as always: read responsibly!

Phil

What, you thought I was going to post every stinkin' day?!

2008-02-21T22:19:00.004-06:00

"Life is what you make it. I like to "make it", know what I mean?

Get real, Sparky!! I've got a life offline, too! I work, go to school, pet my wife and kiss my dogs just like you do. Ol' Phil doesn't live in an ivory tower...he lives in a brick ranch-style. So go ahead and sort your recyclables or get your tax stuff together until tomorrow, okay?

Phil

How much of your mind do you own?

2008-02-20T16:41:00.008-06:00

"Ships are safe anchored in the harbour. But this is not what ships are made for." -- Hon. Chief Justice Andrew Kwok-nang Li

"Question Everything!" So instructs the old bumper sticker. Yeah, it's catchy and makes us stop and think -- which is surely the whole point, right? -- but we're not to take that literally, are we? Obviously not, for to do so would be a never-ending exercise in mental masturbation...wouldn't it?!

That depends on how you look at it, Grasshopper....

My reading of this admonition parallels my take on "pray without ceasing": I take it to mean not that we should spend all of our time and attention on this sole activity, but rather that we should adopt an attitude of vigilant questioning (or prayfulness, as the case may be). In other words, be willing to question everything. Being ready to roll up your sleeves and do the hard work of digging down to the roots of something, questioning the assumptions, weighing the arguments, and unearthing your own biases and prejudices.

"Good God, why?!", you cry, "Isn't life hard enough without making unnecessary work for ourselves?!" And my answer is: It's only hard because you aren't practiced at it...and you need to get good at this.

Again with your "why's"? Okay, wrap your brain around this: If you don't do this, your mind is not your own; it's the product of the manipulations of others, plain and simple.

Back when you were young and your mind was an empty sponge, all the authority figures in your life -- parents, teachers, clergymen, relatives, your Scoutmaster -- tried to teach you all sorts of things that would help you grow up to be a happy, healthy, likeable, productive, brave, reverent, thrifty, clean, trustworthy, educated and reliable bigger person. Almost all of which was undeniably well-intended, and most of which was truly helpful. But...

...they didn't know everything; they learned what they knew from their authority figures, who also didn't know everything. And your time and society and circumstances are not the same as theirs. Even if they were thoughtful, reflective people, what they taught you back then applied to that time and circumstance; they can't live your life for you, now. No, that is your job. So what they should have taught you, first and foremost, is how to think for yourself.

And to do that effectively you have to use some form of critical thinking. For those of you unfamiliar with this, it is the Scientific Method applied to your own reasoning. It is one of the important tools for preventing you from misleading yourself, from rationalizing the ludicrous, and for helping you sniff out other people's (and your own!) bullshit. For consciously leading a better life. That's why.

If you swallowed everything you were ever told whole, without chewing it and digesting it, then all your beliefs belong to someone else. You don't "own" them.

And if you don't own your belief structure, then you don't completely "own" your own mind.

Awww...don't lose any sleep over it. You've gotten this far, Sparky, so you can't be too far off. And I'll be back soon to help you over this hurdle.

Phil

Do you want to see how deep the rabbit hole goes?

2008-02-19T17:54:00.005-06:00

A riddle, wrapped in a conundrum, smothered with melted cheese on warm focaccia bread.

If you are looking for pat answers and handy little thumbrules about how the world works, and you are happy to just conform and live in Ozzie-and-Harriet homeostasis, then you've turned down the wrong dark alley, Jack! Tough Nuts is where I ask the questions. Hard questions. The questions your parents were afraid you would ask them. The questions your minister gingerly dances around. The questions that scare the shit out of your Congressweinie.

The questions that bother you and keep you up all night.

But this is about real life, so we'll try to have some fun along the way, too.

As you have probably noticed already, the world is an exciting and fascinating place, full of myriads of interesting people and things. And in a lot of ways it's also pretty screwed up (notice, I could have said "f***ed up", but I'm not ready to alienate my fledgling audience just yet!). There are millions and millions of people, trying their best to lead good, productive lives, and to provide a decent future for their children. They volunteer, vote, go to church, donate to charities and even try to be conscientious and helpful...hell, some of them even go willingly to jury duty! And a good number of the people they elect try to serve the public thoughtfully and solemnly.

So: why is everything as screwed up as it is?

This is the first question, the question that is the door to the rabbit hole. But of itself it's too broad, too general. We need to proceed down the hole into Wonderland to start finding the kinds of questions we need to be wrangling. I won't attempt to "answer" it, but I will provide a hint at the beginning of an answer: The world is not in the better state that well-meaning people intend with their hard efforts because...most of them ask the wrong questions. And because of this, they spend their time and effort creating the wrong solutions.

Sound a little strange? A little spooky, even? You betcha. Most people go through their entire lives without grappling with some of the stuff you're about to encounter here. It disturbs them; it is painful to think about; it forces them to look at themselves too closely for their comfort.

But it's the best thing they could do for themselves, their communities, their world.

Remember...all I'm offering you is the truth. Wimp.

Phil