So what is Phil getting out of this deal?!

"I want to take the calculated risk; to dream and to build, to fail and to succeed." -- Dean Alfange

You may have started to wonder (or not) why I'm posting this stuff every day, what my objective is in doing so. Well, it's for both you and me.

I'm 48 years old; I grew up introverted and afraid, so I wasn't prepared for adult life, and consequently had a lot of rough years. And in the process of climbing up out of that deep, dark hole I was in for so long I learned an awful lot, about myself and life, by myself and with the help of others. Some of that stuff I had to learn the hard way, and some of it I wouldn't have had to if I had had more help.

That is why I'm doing this. I know there are a lot of people out there who are in the same situation I was. And the only other help some of them have is from people who either want something from them (money, sex, whatever) or who want to sculpt those poor people into copies of themselves, with their beliefs and ways of thinking. Well fuck that! If they were truly helpful, they'd help you to become your own person, the "you" that you have the potential and right to choose to be.

If you're continuing to read this because you need it, then know this: I sincerely hope that that is what you get from my ramblings. I expect you to eventually become your true self (fulfill your destiny, if you believe you have one), to the point of telling me I'm full of shit and what I can do with it, if that's how you feel. Nothing would please me more than for you to stand up and disagree with me and argue your point effectively -- that sort of is the point.

So what do I get from this? I don't care about notoriety as such. I just want to be helpful, and the best way I know to do that is to share, as honestly and forthrightly as I can, where I've come from, and what I've experienced and learned, and to point out the traps and the bullshit as I'm able. I get to feel good about trying to do the right thing, period. I think my experiences place me in a unique position to be helpful in this way.

The other thing I get out of this exercise is that it finally forces me to "claim" my beliefs, by putting them out there for the world to see, and comment on. And it's cathartic to some degree; I've already gone throuhg most of my truama and drama, but it was private: this puts it "outside" of myself.

And I don't believe in sugar coating things. I speak rather roughly, I'm sometimes a horrible smartass, and I like to prod and challenge people, verbally slapping them to make them wake up and pay attention. To me, it's not meanness -- it's tough love.

So there you are: I don't pretend to know everything. But I have spent many, many years living the "examined life", and as hard as it can be sometimes, I wholeheartedly recommend it. Insist on it, even.

Walk slowly and deliberately, pilgrim!
Phil